Dream!

"Does it hurt anywhere?"
"No."
"Do you feel like crying?"
"No."
"Then why the long face?"
"I don't know."
"You don't?"
"I do, just that I don't want to talk about it."
"Why?"
"It's not worth mentioning."
"Even so it still makes you sad doesn't it?"
"No, not sad but it's rather a numb feeling."

This is not pain nor is sadness, it is on the other hand a horrible mix of disappointment and disgust, like the sore taste of vomit.

When you fight and fight you get tired and need a place to rest, to lay down your weapons and just listen to a calming lullaby  sleep and let your thoughts settle and your heart heal. There is no such place for me, so every time I'm tired I hold my weapons strong, I force my body up and standing tall and with a determined gaze I walk forward never looking back.

But when your blood dries and your eyes are empty when there is no more will to stand, you see someone's open arms, a place to lay and rest. Your eyes flicker ur smile comes back, you are overflown by joy.

 I let myself believe and trust; "I can't be yours because I can be no ones." so I believed and set by close. He does not let me go but he's not mine. I fell into a trap because one day I just woke up; my heart was frozen and my eyes had lost their light and there was no one there, just the cold biting into my flesh. Left behind. Lied. He took from me what I had to give and gave it together with himself to someone else.

It doesn't hurt but it is bitter, but I stand up leaving my weapons behind. To tired to fight to tired to defend I let myself fall and degraded, let the wolves bite from my skin and never argue. No strength  not even to cry for help. So what? There is no one there to hear, but I hope, someday, someone, will save me from my fears. Until then, I crawl, straight ahead, not looking back, just moving forward.