Vise

Vise calde,

Cioburi mici,

Nu mai e lipici.

Nu le-ai ocrotit

Si deci au pierit.

Desires

Just like a rose… you love it yet u can’t touch it. So beautiful
don’t you think? Not being able to have it just makes you want it more.
You want it so much that you will hold it even if it carves wounds
in your palms… but then… there are times when the pain is 
unbearable and you got to let go… or times when you see it taken by 
another that got gloves, right from under your nose. 

But thinking about the rose itself… why does it have such
strong thorns? Is it because he is afraid of being hurt so he prefers to hurt
anyone that tries to get close for its own protection… is he so afraid that he’ll
do that? Or is it that despite the fragile appearance, the rose is actually
very strong? But then it could be that behind the strong thorns there is 
actually a weak existence that could be easily crushed … 

Those thorns… maybe he didn’t want them… maybe they are a
curse to keep away all humans... to make him feel alone… he gets admiration,
respect and stands tall… but still he is lonely, never getting the affection
he desires. 

Pitiful rose.

I love you

Today also, I had that dream again. He was there in my dreams touching my skin as I moved under him.

Yesterday he was smoking a cigarette in the schoolyard. He sat there silent not caring who would see him; in my eyes he looked so cool. Hope he doesn’t notice me staring, it would be so embarrassing.

Even though I wrote those above inside my heart I hoped and begged for him to just turn his head and see me also, but he never did.

I stole glances and wandered who he was; an upper class I thought. I showed him to my friends and they laughed “You like that guy?” despite those words I still searched for that person right there.

Today I had that dream again. His lips were touching mine.

Not far after that I found out who he was. One year older than me “apprentice” of the Devil Emma as people used to call her then.

When I first heard his name I started laughing, it was so not cool. The bird name he was so proud of inspired respect in me.

Even though I heard a lot, I knew he liked to play chest and that he plaid basketball, I never talked to him.

Today also, the dream appeared. His whispered echoed in my ear “I love you.” the response was certain “Me, too.”

We shipped class with friends to see the basketball game. At least a guy in every team looked hot, I commented with the girls pointing at some of them.

Even though the others were hot and all were drooling, my eyes somehow could only fallow him. He wasn’t the best nor was he that good looking, I thought back then, but something about him just made my heart beat.

I laughed with my friends at his funny walk and ass. “What an ass he has” My desk mate stated laughing though it was a praise. 

Today also, I love him.

Random story about a samurai

ok... *sits at the pc staring at the keyboard with my hands in the air as a pianist above his piano* i shall write.. *moment of silents then the head hits the table* ouch* rolls head on the side still keeping it on the table* what should i write... *thinking* tsuyuki told me am good at this... doesn't seam that way to me *sob* ok! *rises head* i'll start with the typical..

and so the story is brought to life!!

A sunny day

 The rain was pouring down on the lil city hidden inside the heart of the woods. Carved in the sky the moon was perfectly round however her sister stars were hiding shy under the curtain of clouds. Voices of the night were wandering around in search of a new life while fireflies were nowhere to be seen. 
   After the moon hid herself too the clouds were pushed aside as the mighty sun made his way trough them. Puddles all over the ground looked like mirrors from different worlds and the water dripping from some lissome plant disturbed them. Soon those worlds were shattered, million drops were splashed away by merciless feet. 
    The street was full of noises and busy ppl, non of them noticing the beauty at their feet or above them. Kids laughing or crying, dirty playing in the mud... and our fellow wanderer were some more off the insignificant details of the day.
    Dressed  poorly, with a old raged kimono and a straw hat covering his face our wanderer entered a food shop and set at a corner table... far from the chaos in the shop.
  

    *phone rings* hello?  *voice from the other side* lets go to the park with our bikes! pls.. *i looks at the pc* fine.. be right there *phone call ends and i start dressing* bbye guys i promise  will finish this... and make an yaoi story based on the rp yoruX keta from bishie academy XD------------------------------------------------------------------ *sits at the pc angry* stupid dad.. gives me a hard time.. *reads what was written and looks at a invisible dot in the air* Hmm... *images start to fill the brain* lets continue...

      Noisy customers entered the shop forcefully pushing aside others in a rude manner. One of them pulled a chair and throw himself on it with a loud noise. One hand randomly put one the back of the chair and feet one the table, he was swinging back and forth one the chair legs making an disturbing sound... One of the men surrounding him yelled:     

    "Bring sake!" All of  them had katana's hanging from their belt... No one dared to look at them, silently eating trying not to be noticed. A big hand fell one  the table making a loud noise that startled everyone.

   "I SAID TO BRING SAKE! YOU DARE TO MAKE US WAIT?" The man was glaring at the shop owner which looked calm and continued taking the food to the other customers.

     "Sit down and wait!" the woman said in a low yet commanding voice.

     "A face deformed by anger, what an ugly sight." thought our wanderer, but stood silent and continued to watch.  

     Furious the men placed his hand one his katana prepared to pull it out - probably only to intimidate- but one other stopped him.  It was a young man, clean and properly dressed, with sharp eyes filled with hate and cruelness and hand smelling of blood. 

     "Excuse his rudeness." the words surprised many, even the boss that was waiting inpatient on the chair stared at him. Our wanderer giggled at the surprised faces and continued to look.       "Hmm~" The lady brought a big bottle of sake laughing "You guys should learn from this young fellow..." She was a brave woman, as she put the sake one the table she hit the other man legs and said firmly: "Get your dirty feet of my table!"

     The "young fellow" grabbed her hand and whispered in her ear "Blood is really hard to clean so be good an don't do that."

      She pulled her hand away and said "Then tell ur boss to put his feet down." She stared into the guy's eyes not intimidated. Was she crazy? or maybe she didn't notice his killing intent and the smell of fresh blood that surrounded him?

     The boss looked at them and put his legs down frowning "Lets drink already... Shin! Sit down!" The young fellow listened. Sitting strait he sipped slowly and carefully from the round cup with sake.        

     "So his name is Shin..." Our fellow wandered raised his hand an made a sign to the lady to come and take his order. She came and he whispered to her: "Two bowls of rice and a small bottle of sake."

      "Do u have money?" said the woman looking at him from head to toe and extending her hand.  Our wanderer put his hand in his ragged sleeve and placed the  money in her hand smiling.

        At the other table just Shin and the boss sat down, the rest still on their feet looking around nervously. The two were in a whispered discussion... our wandered couldn't hear them so he decided to study the boss appearance.

       "Nose.. way to big for his small face... eyes? hmm~ they looked tired and the mouth... his lips are dry..." The men bend his head a lil and our wanderer notice "A scar..." The men had a big scar around his left eye covered by his brown curls 'till then. " A sword scar... odd... from his cloths he looks like some rich brat..." the boss looked young, around 20-25 years old only his eyes told otherwise. Tired and serious his eyes looked as those of a man that went through life facing many hardships "Somehow he... just doesn't fit the picture..." The wanderer took his eyes of him and directed his stare to Shin. ".....

*looks at clock randomly* Shit its this late?! *hits head*  g2g ppl waiting for me *grabs jacket and runs out the door yelling* I'll finish later and comment what i wrote so far

Die! (short story)

"Die!~"
"Ah!" a short scream disturbed the silence, the only sound still echoing was a fast heart beat. Breathing hard...sweating... he looked around to notice he was still in his room, in his messy bed.  "It was a nightmare..." *squeezes his left shoulder and takes a deep breath* "...only a nightmare.." The voice was still hunting him. He kept looking at the ceiling with empty gaze.  
"Die!~""No~!" *covers his ears and tears fill his eyes* His left arm was numb as all his senses. Waiting for the sun to embrace him with his light, to chase away the shadows.... he cried.
"Die!~"The whispers kept echoing... and echoing. Counting the seconds on the clock made every moment longer and more painful...
"Die!~"The images overwhelmed him... torturing as they kept appearing. *stands up* Body was heavy... vision was blurry... head was spinning...
"Die!~"He crawls to the bathroom and under the shower... "No!~" With his clothes on, all wet...tries to forget... under the cold water... tears... or pain... could not be noticed, even if there. It hunted him... EVEN AWAKE!  
"DIE!!"


Earlier, day time:
about him: a shy guy, mother died when he was younger, father also dead, leaving on his own....about her: a girl from his school he fell for... big mistake
him: *after gathering his courage goes at her and confesses* I like u a lot, will u go out with me? *shy and flushed*
her: *laughs in his face* Go die, loser. *turns her back at him and leaves*
him: *remains silent with a dead look in his eyes*
4 years ago incident:His mom died! His dad... he went crazy... took a knife... and stabbed his own kid in the shoulder... "It's your fault! DIE!""Die!"

*cries scared* "No!~" the kid grabbed the knife and became his father's killer... it was not his fault...he only tried to save himself and acted on instinct... but the trauma remains... the blood was on his hands...EVEN AFTER 4 YEARS... he could still see his father's blood on himself...
That day when the sun showed himself:
Morning news: "17 year old boy was found dead in the shower.  With his wrist cut drenched in a pool of blood. Police say he committed suicide."



Words...are deadly weapons...be careful or you might become a murderer with them..
True Hero - AMVMADE BY ME :p

I miss you

Looking at the sky I felt a sudden desire to touch you. "So far..!" I extended my hand then closed it. Staring at my fist I pulled it back. "Did I catch you?" I opened my hand, disappointed I only saw my empty palm. "You escaped..."  I got up from the grass and dusted myself calmly.  The long lissome grass was stroking my naked leg, tangling around my ankles then gently letting go. I throw my cloth behind me while walking  towards the forest. Shy under the suns gaze my face became red and warmed. "I'll catch you.." My body responded to my wish and I started running through the forest. The wind ruffled my hair with his cool hands, the trees made way for me  and bending down they pat my  head with their branches. The birds songs called me like a distant voice. I looked before me and saw it. In a heavy breath, with a big smile I stopped and yelled at the sky. "I found you!" I jumped in the water prepared to embrace you. Small but growing waves disturbing the sky reflection. "So far, even so close..." Standing still in the middle of the pond I kept staring at the sky. My hand was above my restless heart as I whispered... "I love you.." I think some drops from the pond had gotten in my eyes... because I could feel them flowing down...

Oamenii sunt "wow"

Inca o data mi s-a dovedit cat de grozavi sunt oamenii. Nu am chef sa scriu acum un blog, dar o voi face. Acest weekend am participat la competitia de dezbateri academice pt incepatori si am avut ocazia sa cunosc mai bine oameni despre care nu aveam o imagine clara. Dupa acest weekend pot spune ca unii oameni sunt extraordinari. (ACUM RAD COPIOS.) De ce? Ah.. cat de amuzant mi se pare cea ce am zis. De ce? Desigur, rad pentru singurul motiv posibil: de fiecare data cand cunosc un om spun la sfarsit "oameni suntem toti, dar unii sunt extraordinari". Acest lucru mi se pare atat de amuzant deoarece nimeni nu observa acest obicei al meu.

Hai sa trecem la subiect. Eu am constat ca oameni sunt grozavi, toti. Probabil nu ati auzit asta  pt prima oara si cu siguranta au fost multi care au incercat sa dovedeasc cum fiecare om este deosebit si extraordinar in felul lui. De ce atunci va pierd eu voua pretiosul timp si desigur de ce imi pierd pretiosul meu timp de a vb despre acest lucru? 

Voi aborda acest subiect dintr-o noua perspectiva, aceea find: Fiecare este grozav nu neaparat in felul lui cat raportat la normele de moralitate si parerea generala. Din cate stiu eu nu multi au pus problema asa si probabil nu ma credeti cand va spun ca da! oricine ESTE grozav in raport cu toti ceilalti. De ce am pus acentul pe "este"? pentru ca nu vreau sa vorbesc despre capacitatea individului de a evolua sau de a iesi din anonimat. 

Mai concret nu voi vorbii despre abilitatea de ai face pe ceilalti sa te considere grozav, nici despre abilitatile native care fac persoanele care te privesc sa gandeasca ca esti grozav. Deasemenea nu voi vorbi nici despre cum in interiorul fiecareia este ceva insesizabil care ne face grozavi sau despre cum suntem grozavi datorita varietati de gusturi si preferinte. 

Acum ca am lamurit despre ce NU o sa vb sa trecem la despre ce voi vorbii. Voi vorbi despre cum oamenii sunt imperfecti si rai! dar totusi sunt grozavi. Deasemenea despre cum toti avem defecte si vom fi criticati pt ele dar totusi ele ne fac grozavi. Foarte important, in opinia mea, voi vb despre faptul ca si cel mai nesuferit om are cv care sa faca  pe oricine sa spuna "e grozav respectivul pt ca". Sunt 100% sigura ca idea mea nu va fi acceptata deoarece oamenii tind sa puna mai mult accent pe laturile predominante/vizibile decat pe esenta sau au o placere din a clasifica, a incadra in tipare sau din a pune etichete. Inca un motiv pt care aceste cuvinte "ce grozav este x" nu vor fi des auzite din gura tuturor este faptul ca orgoliul nu ne lasa. Atunci cand vezi un om care are multe defecte dar totusi o singura calitate sclipeste atat de mult incat acestea sunt trecute cu vederea iar ochii tuturor inclusiv ai tai se indreapta in aceea directie vei cauta sa scoti din umbra defectele acelui om, sa te convingi ca acel om nu este cu nimic mai bun ca tine. O alta varianta este incercarea de a face calitatea ta (daca o constientizezi) sa sclipeasca mai puternic, putini sunt cei ce vor zice "persoana aceea este grozava dar si eu sunt."aceptand calitatea aceluia fara sa se considere mai prejos sau provocat. Aceste reactii si comportamente care variaza de la om la om sunt irelevante, cea ce este cu adevarat important este ca unii dintre noi nu vad propria sclipire ci doar pe a altora iar acesti oamenii ajung sa se subestimeze sau sa se ambitioneze sa se remarce cu gandul "oare sclipesc destul?" chiar daca ei deja erau considerati grozavi.

Acum dupa ce am explicat si despre cea ce vreau sa vb si am explicat si situatia de fata si cum unii oameni nu au capacitatea de asi vedea valoarea vom trece la discutia in sine. Stiu.Stiu. "inca nu am ajuns la discutia in sine?" Logic vb tot ce am zis pana acum face parte din "discutia in sine". Oamenii sunt grozavi! De ce? Complexitatea lor ii face asa. Nu pot sa va spun acum "x este grozav pt ca..." dar pot sa va dau exemple. Fiecare om se va uita la cel de langa si isi va crea o imagine corecta sau nu despre respectiv asa ca daca inca nu am o imagine clara va rog scumpii mei prietenii sa ma corectati. Un exemplu este Crina, colega mea de echipa de la competitie. In weekend m-am abtinut exemplar sa nu o pocnesc. Ma enervat cumplit. Nu sunt genul care sa dea multa importanta varstei dar ma deranjat cumplit atitudinea ei fata de mine (eu fiind mai mare ca ea) Eu consider ca imi datora macar un minim de respect pe care nu l-am sesizat in comportamentul ei. Nu voi intra in detalii asupra comportamentului ei si voi trece la ce e important. La sfarsitul zilei eu pot sa afirm ca ea este o persoana grozava pt puterea ei de caracter si faptul ca nu se lasa descurajata. Alt exemplu este Cassie tot colega cu mine de echipa, o persoana dea dreptul ciudata :)) dar desigur grozava deoarece nu ii este frica sa fie ciudata. Stefan ma enerveaza foarte mult si spre uimirea tuturor aspectele care ma irita sunt exact cele care se regasesc si in personalitatea mea.... o_o' iar Stefan este grozav deoarece intr-un moment in care nu era clar vina lui... in loc sa ne critice ca am pierdut sau sa fie dezamagit de noi el a fost dezamagit si suparat pe el. El spune ca ideile lui ne-au indus in eroare dar este irelevant daca ideile lui erau sau nu corecte. Daca eram suficient de bune am fi castigat fie acele idei bune fie nu. A fost decizia noastra sa ne folosim de ele nu ni s-au impus. Am pierdut pt ca eforturile noastre nu au fost suficiente iar data viitoare vom incerca mai mult, nu e vina lui. AI AUZIT? NU E VINA TA. :)) desigur exista si alte motive pt care este grozav dar acesta mi-a venit in minte si plus eu incerc sa dovedesc aici ca fiecare avem macar un singur lucru care ne face grozavi.

In concluzie nu stiu cat de clara am fost sau daca mi-am dovedit idea dar nimeni nu ma va convinge ca un om poate fi intotalitate bun sau in totalitate rau. Deasemenea nimeni nu ma va convinge ca oamenii nu vad la fiecare din noi cate ceva grozav. 

p.s. Am scris asta pt a le deschide ochii celor ce nu isi vad stralucirea si pt ai provoca sa o descopere iar pt cei care stiau deja tot ce am spus si isi cunosc valoarea am scris asta sa va rog sa ii ajutati si pe ceilalti sa o descopere pe a lor. Pentru cei care considera ca nimeni nu le observa stralucirea sfatul meu e sa fi mai atent la cei din jur vei fi uimit iar cei ce o ascund va implor aveti curaj sa iesiti in fata. Desigur am ceva sa le spun si celor care sunt infatuati de propria persoana: narcisismul e un defect la fel si egoncentrismul, asa ca cu toate ca voi sunteti siguri de perfectiunea voastra nu e cazul sa ii faceti pe alti sa se simta inferiori sau sa ii jigniti. 

sfarsit!

.. pt moment.... nu mai am idei.  si scuzati greselile pt ca imi e prea lene sa recitesc pt corecturi.

3:43

V-am spus vreodata cat urasc cand scriu cv si pica netul rezultand in: eu pierd tot ce am scris si trebuie sa o iau de la capat :(( lucru care desigur sa si intamplat. 

CE am eu mai bun de facut la ora asta decat sa scriu pe blog, sa citesc manga si sa vb cu Amy? Va spun eu ce.... Sa dorm... dar desigur nu voi face asta. Ma voi enerva si imi voi plage de mila cum ca am mai scris asta odata.... dar desigur nu la fel... si ma oftic rau. Nu pot scrie doua lucruri la fel iar ce am scris inainte sa pierdut.... urat... urat... :(( acum nici ca mai am chef sa rescriu, cu putin noroc voi face asta maine.


3:50


Dar de faptul ca ador programele care salveaza automat v-am spus...? Uite ca acest site spre uimirea mea are un astfel de sistem si am reusit sa recuperez ce am scris xD yay

CE fac eu la 3:26 dimineata...

[this is going to be in English... ]


With blood shot eye I keep awake this early in the morning.
Why?
I really want to know, too.


I am an Otaku so at this hour the only think I could be doing, except from writing my first blog entry, is reading manga [= Japanese comics] and role playing with my friend Amy some gay anime couple. Leaving that apart we come across the question: "What is an Otaku, now really?"
Some consider them geeks and say they have no life ... You have an example of that right above ... well let me tell you something "they do mate..." xD But is not like it has anything to do with me being on the blog and writhing nonsense at 3:37 in the morning. 


Lets see what this word actually means: Otaku is a Japanese term often used to describe hardcore fans of sci-fi, computer games, anime and manga.  Although used with pride by many western fans to describe themselves, the term carries a negative a connotation in Japan as 'Trekkie' or 'geek' does here. 


So basically in Japanese society its usage is widely understood to mean someone who is an anti-social maniac. Soooo~ basically I am an anti-social manic which of course I am not.. 


I will admit that most ppl that call themselves "otaku" are weird compared to other kids but not in a bad way. The only weird thing about us is that we let our imagination run wild and instead of watching soap operas or films in our free time we watch anime and read manga. You may also find weird our perverted imaginations [tho that might be only my case]... but lets be honest for a sec we all have a perverted part in ourselves its just that some don't have the guts to show it. I DO! O////O maybe...


Sooo~ "What is an Otaku, now really?"


My answer: "Otaku mostly means you like anime the rest only god knows.... we as ppl are all so different that we can't be classified under one definition, even if we have some similar behaving habits or hobbies."